Monday, August 22, 2011

So You Have a Vampire Boyfriend? (Part 1)


Unfortunately it's not Eric Northman,



or another one of the mouth watering specimens of the mass undead population.
But nonetheless, I'm sure he's all kinds of model gorgeousness and has a killer set of fangs.

So, the relationship is most likely in the new/exciting/terrifying stage at this point. You're probably wondering to yourself, "What happens next?", or, "Are there boundaries that I don't know about?".

Well hunny there are, and thank the stars you're reading this because it could quiet possibly save your life!

Here are some simple, yet vital, suggestions you should keep in mind at all times while around your new beau.

#1: "How Big Is That Bite"
(Classify the fanger in your life)

 Venomous or Non?
~ Basically will his man fangs kill you instantly or bring on the orgasm of a lifetime?!

 Are you just a snack?
~ Is he just attached to you because you remind him of the cheeseburger he's never had? (Because you know he's old as dirt & was turned before they were even invented)

Should you be worried if he's eyeing your dog like he's dinner?
~ So maybe if your hunk of masculine fanged flesh shows up parched as a cactus in the Sahara, and your fresh out of refreshments (and/or you haven't gone "that far" yet). I'd make sure your animals are locked up in your newly purchased silver kennel....actually for safe measure make sure you're locked up too!

#2: "Give, Give, Give"
(Because Vamps just take, take take)

 Super important to talk about....probably one of those first date topics. Just slide it right in there after your take about religious beliefs.

Can I stay the night day?
Yes, this is a big step. Not only is he staying with you when he's vulnerable, but now you have to convert a space to accommodate him. Like under the bed, it's not taking from "your space" and it's dark, but you just need to make sure the duvet covers his feet.

Would you let this guy borrow your car?
Well would you? I don't know about you sister, but I cherish my car. What's his driving record like? Does he even know how to drive? Actually don't even consider it, because if his vamp speed can't get him where he needs to go, then something is DEF wrong, so a car won't help things.

#3: "When I look into your eyes I see..."
(This is gonna last how long?!)

So this is your first time too?
Since you're reading this, it's most likely your first fang filled relationship, so bust out your highlighter and take notes like your life depends on it...because does.
They live forever ya know?
And that's a looooooooooooong you're either setting yourself up for heartache, death or immortality. If I were you I'd seriously start putting those in an order of importance. (Hopefully the death one if last).

Willing to give him your mortal heart?
Most Vampires are passionate, territorial creatures, so if you're one of "those girls" who changes men like you change the color of your lip gloss, then release him now. That is unless you want someone who is constantly lurking in the bushes, has primal instincts, is crazed by the sight of you and has super creepy stalker skills. I guess some girls are into that??

Well there you have it, the first part of the Vampire boyfriend manual!
Make sure you do follow these tips, and look for, "So You Have  Vampire Boyfriend? (Part 2)" coming soon! 


Kira said...

where did momoa become wrath??!!

Taking it One Book at a Time said...

Momoa is a multi-tasker and plays anyone who is hot, with dark Barrons, Conan, Wrath, you get the picture

Anonymous said...

Momoa is the freakin MAN!! All 6'3 of him. I wouldn't mind climbing that mountain! v--v