My 5 Rules of Reading

Lately I've noticed that it takes quiet a large amount of skill, and a particular set of rules, to read a book correctly.

Correctly? You might be asking. Well, let me put it this way, to truly be able to understand the characters, their emotions, and all that jazz, takes a considerable amount of concentration.

I've come up with these 5 reading rules to help maximize your reading experience:

#1. Make sure you know what you're reading

I can NOT tell you how many times I've picked up a book thinking it was a different one, then have become extremely disappointed when the hunky shirtless werewolf I was looking forward too turns out to be a pre-pubescent vampire with a high pitched voice. Very annoying...

#2. Do not eat greasy snacks while reading

This results in pages becoming impossible to read due to the large amount of Cheetos residue blocking out sentences...it then leads to you thinking your favorite character is alive and breathing, when tragically they were smothered to death in their sleep >:[

#3. Don't compare your favorite character to your current ones

Though your favorite character would probably kick your current main characters ass, it's not fair that they're just receiving their spotlight and you're already plotting their demise. It's like throwing your new best friend into a crowd of zombies and expecting them to live....shame shame

#4. Don't let your mind wander......squirrel!

I am a prime example of how important this rule is......what to have for lunch today, sushi or burger.....oh, ok back to the rule...It's very important to make sure you aren't allowing that voice in your mind to distract you. Or the vampire assassins you're reading about will go from fighting samurai ninjas to arguing with teenage girls about who's asking them to prom.

#5. Take a breath between books

Some people can jump from book to book without so much as a blink, but the majority of reading addicts out there need at least a 5-10 minute break to take in the amount of awesomeness, or complete disappointment, that just entered their mind. During this brief break I suggest the following for properly clearing your mind:
- At least 50 jumping-jacks
- Shot of vodka with a Red Bull chaser, to restart your mind...if the book was a disappointment I suggest more vodka (for 21 and over only)
- 3 minute doodle session
These simple things will allow the haze to clear and I can almost, probably, guarantee the next book you start will be maybe be great! Right?


Now that you've read all the rules, make sure you let me know if they work for you.
If they don't then I would suggest professional help to get you thru your next novel adventure.

Happy Reading!!